Simple Back-to-School Routines for a Smoother Family Transition

By Jessica Mitchell-McCollough, Ph.D., Senior Director of Education

I’ve been thinking about transitions this week.

The other evening, my kids, my husband and I were out for a walk after dinner when my 13-year old daughter said something out of the blue.

“I always get sad when summer ends.”

I asked her to tell me more, a phrase I use often when I know I need to listen instead of offering advice. I expected to hear about homework or dealing with annoying boys being disruptive in class. Instead, she said, “I just love being home with our family. When school starts, I miss…this.”

She motioned toward all of us, walking together. The summer’s easy conversations, lingering after dinner and late afternoons that didn’t belong to anyone but us—I’m going to miss it, too.

Then, she smiled. “But I’m also really excited.”

She talked about seeing friends, meeting her new teachers, and wondering what she’d learn. She wasn’t choosing between two feelings. She was simply holding both at the same time.

Like my eldest daughter, I also feel a bit melancholy this time of year. Summer adventures give way to the back-to-school rush of new supplies, outgrown clothes, long to-do lists and big changes. But her reflection helped me refocus on the exciting opportunities ahead.

After our walk, it was time for the 2-year-old's bedtime routine: a favorite song while we brush our teeth, the same stack of books before bed and the day ending snuggled up close. It's a reminder that even in times of transition we can build comfort through familiar rhythms. They can help our kids’ world make sense–and ours too.

This year I will have a child finishing middle school, one wrapping up elementary school and one still in daycare. A teen, a tween and a toddler, ha! Our home is full of new beginnings and celebrating big accomplishments. I hope to find excitement in the year ahead and moments of cozy connection in the old routines we hold on to and the new rituals we build.

Structuring the new days

Great teachers spend time the first weeks of school building community through routines: morning check-ins, classroom jobs and practicing how to ask for help.

Those rituals aren’t taking away from learning. They’re creating the conditions that make learning possible.

Predictable routines reduce stress and support the brain’s ability to plan, focus and manage emotions. When children know what comes next, they can spend less energy navigating uncertainty and more energy being curious, creative and connected.

We can think about family routines the same way.

When we read together before bed, we’re not just practicing literacy. We’re telling our children, this is how we end our days together. When we play music while we cook, we’re saying, this is where we let go of the day and reconnect. When we pack backpacks the night before school, we’re making space for calmer mornings and a little more patience—for everyone.

The routines aren’t the goal—the relationships they make possible are.

Every kid is different

What works for one child may not work for another. Their brains are growing in different ways, so they need different things from us. Here are some things to try:

For preschoolers…
Make one routine visual and playful. A simple chart, like this one or this one, for getting ready in the morning helps young children build independence because they can see what comes next.

For elementary-aged children…
Create a “launch pad” by the door for backpacks, shoes, water bottles and library books. Giving children ownership of one predictable routine builds responsibility and confidence.

For middle schoolers…

Lead with connection before logistics. Try “What was the best part of your day?” or “What are you looking forward to tomorrow?” before asking about assignments. Conversation opens more easily when children don’t feel interrogated.

For high schoolers…
Invite them into planning rather than planning for them. Listen as they walk through the week ahead. You’re gradually shifting from manager to coach. If needed, a simple “tell me more” can let them know when to share more details.

These are small ways to communicate the same message at every age:

I see who you’re becoming, and I’m growing as a parent alongside you.

Keep learning with me.

Here are a few trusted resources to explore with your family:

• PBS KIDS has back-to-school resources for building routines and more.
• Inspire moments of playful learning with this back-to-school Teach Your Way calendar.
• Use StoryMaker’s letter-to-your-middle-school-self prompt with teens and tweens—and consider writing your own letter to share.

Try this together: During dinner or on the drive home this week, ask everyone in the family—even the grown-ups—these two questions:

• What are you most looking forward to this school year?
• What feels a little uncertain?

As for our family, we’ll keep taking our evening walks, reading one more book than we planned, and making room for conversations that begin with ordinary moments and somehow end up teaching us something about ourselves.

Funny how often that happens.

Here’s to new beginnings—and the homes that make them possible.